Arthur's Tavern (Hoboken, NJ)

Arthur's Tavern overall score: 69

YES - I even review the "lesser" steak joints.  There is a running joke that I am going to make a drunken, late night pit-stop at Tad's before getting on the LIRR, and then write up a stellar review of it the next morning.  That will surely throw off the non-locals!  Tourists beware.  Keep your eyes out for it - I WILL do it one day.  Anyway - I hesitate to call Arthur's a steak joint, and I don't mean disrespect when I use the word "lesser;"  Arthur's tavern is just that - a tavern.  But it has become well known to many NYC and NJ folks for its massive cuts of beef and man-sized 32oz beers.  That said, it certainly deserves our attention.

1) Flavor: 6

I've been to Arthur's about 4 times.  For about 6 months I lived in hoboken, so it became a nice comfortable place for huge beers and huge steaks at small prices.  The flavor is okay.  The steaks are fatty/grizzled and only at choice quality without any enhancements, but they still taste pretty good.  Hey - it gets the job done, right?

2) Choice of Cuts & Quality available: 4

More of a pub in selection and atmosphere, Arthur's really only has ribeyes and a sirloin.  "Our Steak" is 24 oz, for the light appetite (lol)... and the double is 49oz (be a man and get it).  Those are some huge hunks of beef!

3) Portion Size & Plating: 10

Okay: MASSIVE.  There - I said it again.  If portion size is your thing, you will clearly not be disappointed.  Again the ribeye is 24oz, the double is 49oz. Stomachs will fill. 'Nuff said.

4) Price: 10

At about a dollar an ounce, or even less if you go for the double, Arthur's is a steal.  You would be hard pressed to find steak in the supermarket for that price these days.  Eyes on the prize people: Arthur's give's you a lot of meat for your money.

5) Bar: 8

Arthur's is a great bar; they are championed for their huge 32oz beers.  When I lived in the area they were something ridiculously cheap like $4 (probably more now).  Grab a 32oz Guinness and a 49oz Double Steak with a wedge of iceburg, and you are guaranteed to grow hair on your chest.  Fuck it - you will grow hair on your damn fingernails; THAT is how manly you become.

6) Specials and Other Meats: 5

It is a tavern, people.  What you see is what you get.  They do have ribs, pastrami and corned beef though; I have never tried.

7) Apps, Sides & Desserts: 6

To be honest, all I have ever gotten here were the steaks because they are so huge, with the exception of some sauteed onions and mushrooms, and also the iceburg wedge.

8) Seafood Selection: 4

I had to check the menu online, because I honestly didn't think they had anything other than maybe some fried shrimp.  As it turns out, Arthur's has scrod, and shrimp scampi.  Nothing fancy.  But who the fuck is coming here to order shrimp scampi for dinner anyway?  I'll tell you who: pussies, losers, and quiff-bags.  Get a steak, assholes. Some oysters or clams would be a good additon to the menu as appetizers, however.

9) Service: 8

The good people working at Arthur's are friendly and fun.  No complaints here, especially for the kind of place it is.  The tables have these awesome metal bowls of pickled items: half sour pickles, cherry peppers, and slaw.  I could eat this stuff all day, and the generous people over at Arthur's are more than happy to keep them coming, bowl after glorious bowl.

10) Ambiance: 8

I love Arthur's because there is no bullshit.  The tables are covered with plastic red and white checkered picnic-style tablecloths.  Everything is wood and has character.  The music is fun, loud but not annoying, and the crowd can't help but have a good time.  My kind of place.