Maloney & Porcelli

Maloney & Porcelli overall score: 85

I had heard wonderful things about this place from a friend and coworker - specifically about the signature pork dish - so my wife and I decided to go here for our Christmas dinner. I'm not sure if it truly qualifies as a steakhouse, but I am treating it as such based on the menu, which is clearly beef-heavy.

1) Flavor: 10

This place was incredible for the entrees. I ordered a ribeye, and my wife ordered the crackling pork shank. The steak was cooked perfectly from end to end, it was juicy, well portioned, nicely seasoned and delicious. The pork is really something special though. The skin is so crispy and the fat underneath just melts in your mouth. Some of the best eating I've had in NYC right there.

2) Choice of Cuts & Quality available: 8

This place has a great selection of beef. First, they have five different styles of filet and two different sizes for each: classic, cajun, au poivre, roquefort crusted, and oscar. Add to that a "bone-in" filet (the conundrum) on special. Impressive... but if you are ordering a filet it may as well be a filet of flounder in my eyes. Man up and get a real cut of beef, pricks. Next, they have porterhouse for two, a ribeye (two sizes), and a sirloin (also two sizes). There is a braised short rib as well. I took points off because there is no porterhouse for one, and no proper strip steak. All the meat is prime quality though, so that is a feather in the cap.

3) Portion Size & Plating: 9

Portions are big. My ribeye was on the order of 22-24oz (bone-in), and the pork shank was certainly enough to feed two. The scallop appetizer portion was a little on the small side, but the sides were enough for two or more, so it evens out.

4) Price: 8

The price point is about right for NYC steakhouses. It could even be considered a bargain considering that this place is semi-legendary among NYCers, and is usually packed out on any given night. It is $48/pp for the porterhouse, filets range from $42-$52 depending on preparation and size, the sirloins are $43/$48, and the ribeyes are $45/$50. The martini is $14.

5) Bar: 7

The bar is a little bit shabby. It is an island set-up, but a bit on the small side. Maybe enough room for 10-15 people to stand/sit around it. Not the kind of spot you want to hang out in after work; one for space reasons, and two it is just not the right ambiance. They do make a good martini, and they use castelvetrano olives with the pits still inside as garnish, which is a huge bonus as they are my favorite kind of olive (bright green, ample brine, and meaty but not too firm). One cool thing about the bar area is that there is a row of bar stool seats that face into the kitchen. Essentially the kitchen is open view to the public. You can sit and nurse your drink or order bar menu items and watch the cookery in full swing.

6) Specials and Other Meats: 10

Roasted chicken, rack of lamb, and braised short rib are all on the regular menu along with the big daddy - the crackling pork shank with firecracker applesauce. This place is famous for that dish. On special they also had plenty to choose from, apps and entrees alike, so this place definitely gets the full till on this category.

7) Apps, Sides & Desserts: 7

We had a bunch of stuff here. First, an order of east coast oysters (6) - blue island and malpeque. They were delicious. There were one or two shell shards, but nothing to deduct points over. Next we had a sea scallop appetizer and the plate of blood sausage and sweet breads. The scallops were on the small side. There were two on the plate for about $16, and they were half the side that a normal scallop should be. They were closer to bay side than sea size, if you catch my drift. They were also a bit overcooked, which was a shame. The hints of fennel were nice, and otherwise they tasted great. The sweet breads were crisp outside and creamy inside. A little buttery, but I didn't mind so much. The blood sausage was nice and mild in flavor but small in portion size. However there was a nice "stuffing" that accompanied the items to make up for it. On the side we had creamed spinach and the "signature balls." Sounds delicious, right? PICK A NEW NAME FOR THE BALLS M&P! The spinach was a bit watery and not so creamy, but the lack of cream was not unwelcome considering how rich everything else was in the meal. The balls were essentially potato hush puppies, supposedly filled with cheese, though I didn't get much of that flavor inside. They definitely tasted like chive though - they were just mediocre. For dessert we had a variety of creme brulees. There were six flavors (chocolate, key lime, banana, almond, coffee and vanilla). They were neatly served inside empty egg shells in a porcelain egg holder. Very cool, and a bonus point on plating! It was fun to taste them all.

8) Seafood Selection: 10

They offer several preparations of lobster, salmon, tuna, trout, red snapper, and even a roast whole fish. For the vagina of your dining party, this place certainly has a great selection. From what I hear, the quality and taste is fantastic; especially the trout. They also have the standard apps, like lump crab meat, shrimp cocktail, lobster cocktail, clams, and a variety of east and west coast oysters. There were seafood specials too, both under apps and entrees.

9) Service: 8

Our waiter(s) were a bit impersonal. They didn't seem as attentive as other places we have been to and that I have rated. In fact, they served us our apps and forgot to take our entree order. My wife had to call the guy over to take our entree order when we were nearly finished with the appetizers. They made up for this though by giving us each a complimentary glass of champagne at dessert. Nice touch. The table breads were warm when they came to us; a loaf of pretzel bread served with a mustard seed butter. Very innovative and fun. They also serve this extremely flat, crispy item that almost looks like a tortilla or some kind of flatbread cracker. We didn't have any in our basket, but other diners did. What up wit' that?

10) Ambiance: 8

The look is early to mid 20th century, but it isn't as authentic as other places feel. There is a wrap-around upstairs that encircles the outer perimeter of the restaurant and looks down over the main dining area and bar. We sat up there. Everything looks nice and is clean. The music was crooner stuff and tin pan alley, which I liked. The bathroom was big and clean, and they had stacks of individually folded cloth hand towels for drying off. Nice.

Pace's (Long Island)

Pace's overall score: 83

A big group of us went to Pace's (the Port Jefferson location) for a Christmas steak dinner. Below are the results:

1) Flavor: 9

Fortunately I was able to try a little bit of everything. I ordered the ribeye, my wife ordered the marinated porterhouse, and a friend ordered the "surf and turf," which came with the non-marinated filet. First of all - the ribeye was perfectly cooked from end to end. Exactly spot on medium from the fat cap all the way to the bone. That is amazing. A bit more crust on the top and bottom would have sent this baby into the 10-spot, but it is certainly a solid hunk of meat. The marinated cuts soak for three days in what I guess is a sweet garlic-soy concoction. it was really nice for the first few bites, but after a while it is a bit much. Stick with the standard preparation, even though they offer "Oscar" style (with crab meat), and "Tuscan" style (with Gorgonzola melted on top). The filet side of the porterhouse was tender and juicy, as was the strip side. The non-marinated filet that came with the surf and turf (soif & toif) was perfectly cooked, but it lacked seasoning. I'm not sure if they use a different cut for surf and turf than they do for the petite filet, but that could be why there was a lack of flavor intensity. But if you go for the standard beef cut to test the meddle of the meat (aka the ribeye) you will not be disappointed. There were clean bones all around the table, as 5 of us ordered the ribeye.

2) Choice of Cuts & Quality available: 8

Pace's has most of the basics. They have filets in two sizes (7-9oz; 10-12oz), a ribeye (24oz bone-in), and porterhouses (30-32oz for one; 52-56oz for two). What is missing you ask? The strip. They offer a double cut sirloin (20oz), and a NY shell steak (20-22oz). The shell steak is meant to be considered a "strip," but come on - lets get with the program. Call it what it is.

3) Portion Size & Plating: 8

Portions are just right. The ounces listed above are on par with the big dogs of steakhouses. Bone in or boneless, you get a good amount for your dollar here.

4) Price: 8

These were fair prices, especially when compared to NYC steak joints. The most expensive cut of meat is $45 (porterhouse for one). Ribeyes price in at $42, and filets at $32 and $38. Seeing a filet under $40 is refreshing these days.

5) Bar: 8

The bar is nice - not too big, not too small. I could definitely see myself hanging here for a drink and some bar food. only problem is that Port Jefferson is so far away. They made a nice, ice-cold martini to my liking: Beefeater up, very dry, and with olives.

6) Specials and Other Meats: 8

Roasted chicken, Long Island duckling, rack of lamb, and double center cut pork chops grace the alternative meats menu here; a good selection (hats off to the duck, which I like to see on steakhouse menus), but no other beef cuts like flank, skirt or hanger. On special there were some enticing seafood items, like Chilean sea bass and some lobster items, along with a few apps.

7) Apps, Sides & Desserts: 8

I tried the crab cake and the "filet mignon spring roll" appetizers. The crab cake could have been a bit lumpier (as in less shredded and "filled"), but it had a good crunch to it, and good flavor. The special filet mignon spring roll with Gorgonzola cheese was okay. There was some chew to the meat, which was slightly disappointing, but overall it was interesting and worth a detour from the usual orders (oysters, wedge salad, etc). For sides we had creamed spinach, steak fries, and mashed potato. The mashed had a bit too much garlic for my liking, and were a bit dry inside (I admit that I am spoiled by my mom's mozzarella mashed potato platters from childhood). Everyone at the table liked it except for my wife and I. The steak fries were nothing special to me either, though others did like them. I've personally had better at the local Carousel Diner in West Islip. The creamed spinach was good though: not too heavy (a dark green color), but it had enough creamy smoothness to cut the salty meat in between bites. Nicely done.

8) Seafood Selection: 7

Seafood is delivered fresh daily to Pace's, so you have to go there to see what is offered. A regular menu item, however, is lobster (starting at 2lbs). They only had one featured seafood item on special, which was a horseradish crusted Chilean sea bass n top of a bed of sauteed spinach. It sounded marvelous, but since we didn't have our dicks tucked back into our asses like a bunch of nancy-boys, we all decided to get meat, like real men (ladies included). Two more seafood items might have boosted the points here. I am not one to order seafood at a steakhouse, but sometimes I want a good selection. Perhaps Pace's is confident enough in their meat and fish to only have the one item offered? Bold move? Maybe. Since I didn't try it, I can not properly judge. Based on lack of choices, though, I have to take a couple of points off.

9) Service: 9

Our waiter was great. We didn't really test his knowledge, but he was attentive, and made good suggestions in terms of appetizer sizing and what he thought was good. The bread was warm and multifarious. The whipped butter was cool and hard at first, but it quickly became spreadable.

10) Ambiance: 10

Situated in picturesque Port Jefferson Long Island, Pace's is located on a narrow one way street just off the main strip of town, in an old historic structure that was probably built in the 1600s or 1700s. The walls are exposed brick, the trimmings are nice wood blinds and wood-colored drapery. Pictures on the walls are old Long Island street scenes; authentic and classy without being cliche. there are several alcoves and small dining areas that offer privacy while still allowing for the feel of community in the dining space. It is cozy, but not stuffy or tight-spaced. An interesting touch: the bathroom is equipped with a mouth wash dispenser and small dentist-office cups for rinsing out. They also stock that baby with quality disposable thick cloth hand towels. Bonus.

AJ Maxwell's

AJ Maxwell's overall score: 76

I used to love this joint. I have been here, I think, four times. My wife and I used to get $20 and $40 gift cards in the mail from them randomly, simply by virtue of them being a newly opened restaurant that was loyal to new customers. I dig that. We were happy the first few times we went, but this review is based on a much different dining experience.

1) Flavor: 7

My buddy and I each had ribeyes - their supposed "signature" dish. We were both a bit disappointed. We experienced tough meat in the central portion of the ribeye (no marbling), and an overall lack of flavor or seasoning throughout. It wasn't bad, but certainly not on par with my prior experiences and other joints. My buddy ordered medium rare and it came to him rare at best. It was VERY undercooked. Bad. I've had the ribeye before, and it was better. I've also had the filet and braised short rib, which were better than average.

2) Choice of Cuts & Quality available: 7

AJ offers porterhouse for 2, 3 or 4, ribeyes, all manner of filet, and even some specials - like a bone-in filet (the conundrum). Score for that. To top it off, they have a killer pinot braised short rib. My feeling is that they are passing off high quality choice for prime, or using low quality prime. There is just not enough flavor going on in the cuts - likely due to lack of aging, or lack of quality marbling. At least not like I remembered from previous visits.

3) Portion Size & Plating: 8

Portions are on the heavy side, which is good considering you aren't getting the best flavor or quality. At least in this respect you get some good poundage for your buck. EAT UP and SHUT UP.

4) Price: 6

Too high. For $55, I expect my ribeye to be fantastic, especially when it is marketed as their signature cut. I've had better tasting ribeyes for $40 on Long Island. Know your role, AJ. You are slipping. For 6 oysters ($17), 2 ribeyes ($55 each), the cheapest bottle of wine ($??) and a trio of appetizers ($21), the total came to about $150 each (tax and tip included). Better off hitting Del Frisco's around the corner for that $.

5) Bar: 9

The bar is great, and the bartender, who is a regular fixture there (his name escapes me at the moment), is really friendly. He will get you whatever you want (such as a steak or a double espresso), and mixes a really good martini. The bar room is cool because it sits right along the windows of 48th street - nice place to hang, especially after a hard 60 hour work week.

6) Specials and Other Meats: 8

I'm always happy to see alternative meat on the menu. AJ's is good with that. They always have a nice non-traditional cut, along with the braised short rib and pork/chicken/veal cuts.

7) Apps, Sides & Desserts: 6

Let me say, the 6 oysters we had were fantastic... but the fries were sub par (I've had better at the diner around the block from my house), the creamed spinach was blah (it lacked seasoning and was a little watery), and the mac & cheese was something on the boxed level. No crumbs, no meat folded in, no burned crisp to it... absolutely no texture. Over all a disappointing app experience (aside from the great, cold, fresh oysters [which were a little overpriced at $17 for 6]). The oysters even came with a nice little basket of hot sauce, fresh horseradish, crackers and other sauces.

8) Seafood Selection: 8

Honest - I didn't really pay attention to anything other than the appetizers - they had lump crab, lump lobster, a good shrimp selection, and fantastic oysters. Viewing their menu online shows a normal type selection for the vaginal non-meat items.

9) Service: 9

Our waiter was awesome - good guy, knew his meat, helpful. That's all I ask for. He didn't push anything on us, nor did he leave us lacking anything throughout the meal. 

10) Ambiance: 8

As a relatively new corporate type steak joint, AJ's is a bit lackluster in terms of charm, but it is nicely decorated and set up. I think with more time it will come into its own, or start to develop its own character... but right now it is just a very plain type of space.  It is nice and open, high ceilings, etc... but basic. The bathroom urinals are cool because they have a foot-pedal flush, so you don't have to dirty up your hands anymore after they just cupped your balls. That's always a plus.